It’s Personal…

Complacency is something that I grow sometimes… and I have grown that way. I feel as though there is no energy left to fuel me and I it. I feel like I am burning out. What happened to what I was supposed to do?! Where did the drive to do anything go? Now I feel idle, just waiting to die or something. I don’t even want to express anything anymore… I have become numb about myself, not the things around me as were the case in the past, but numb to me… I feel like normal people must feel, droned. I have no humor, happiness, love, desire, I simply have autonomous response to the things that I have been conditioned to respond in a certain manner to. But I feel nothing, not like I did when I was embarking on any number of my turbulent adventures, right up to my arrival here… and then the magic for life, the experience all slowly evaporated from within me… and here I sit. I even feel as though my response should be, as typically could be expected of me, confusion or introspect, or fuck, even consideration of the surrounding things… but even that is not present. All that is there is the idea that I might be expected to be confused, or expected to be feeling things, trying to figure things out inside myself… and I don’t even care to do that. I feel it a stupid thing to do, as there is nothing, no universal energy propelling me to do so… or propelling me to do anything. I am not even inclined to be cynical about this fact. I am merely stating a fact. Fuck explaining it, as I don’t even care if it makes sense to me, so why would I bother explaining it.